Parody

Snow Convinces Mr. Brown to Drive a Backhoe to School

By Tyler M.

Mr. Brown's backhoe stands tall in its parking spot.

Mr. Brown’s backhoe stands tall in its parking spots.

There have been fewer parking spots for Duxbury High School faculty since the end of February, when English teacher Mr. Brown started driving a backhoe to school instead of his car.

Mr. Brown decided to use the backhoe after he had to dig the snow out of his front door for the fourth time. When he got to school that day, he was upset that he was unable to find a parking space. “I decided I’d had enough,” Mr. Brown said. “So I broke into the construction site, took one of the backhoes, and every day I put cones and ribbons around it to make sure people thought it was supposed to be there.” Mr. Brown also leaves his car next to the backhoe so that people think he is driving to school in his own car.

He has only faced a problem once. On the morning of Mar. 5 at about 8:15, a student drove too slowly on the road in front of Mr. Brown. “They were in the way,” said Mr. Brown. “I used the loader on the front [of the backhoe] to pick them up and put them in one of the snow drifts, and then I used the scoop on the back to cover the car.” He is sure the student will be discovered by spring at the latest, but at that point all the evidence will be gone. “There must have been some witness because no one [else has gotten] in my way,” said Mr. Brown.

According to witnesses, senior Ted M. quickly ran toward the backhoe to help. Unfortunately, the backhoe was clearing out a parking spot at the time, and he got knocked backward with snow. Ted said nothing and promptly ran into the school to warm up his face. No one has commented further on the incident, and Mr. Brown’s backhoe remains in the teacher parking lot.

Categories: Parody

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