Parody

The Ultimate How to Guide: How to Take an Instagram Worthy Selfie in Four Simple Steps

Although Mrs. Corbett's full face is in the selfie, her "selfie du jour" is still Instagram worthy.

Although Mrs. Corbett’s full face is in the selfie, her “selfie du jour” is still Instagram worthy.

Step 1: You will need to prep yourself for the selfie. You should take a luxurious bath to soothe your nerves, and gain the confidence necessary for taking the most effective selfie. After you are clean, it is time to apply makeup and straighten your hair. When straightening your hair, you should continually run the straightener through it until it is almost to the point of death. As for makeup, you should apply just enough to be unrecognizable (step 3 will add to this effect, making you seem cooler and more selfie-worthy). As I like to say, there is no such thing as too much!

Step 2: You will need to capture the perfect angle. To do this, you will need to learn which side of your face is your “good side.” This will be the most symmetrical side of your face. I recommend doing a practice selfie round before the actual selfie shoot so that you are able to find the angle that shows off your best features. By rotating your head 25 degrees to either your left or right, you will notice definition being given to your face. If you hold the camera up in front of your face from a really high angle, you will notice a drastic increase in eye size and the elimination of all skin flaws. After your selfie shoot, choose the selfie that shows the least amount of your face, most likely ¼ of your face will do. Full-face selfies are not highly recommended, as they have not been noted to reach the most likes.

Step 3: It’s allllllll about filters and edits. Instagram offers a variety of, but these are simply not enough. The range of photo editing apps, including Whitagram, Vsco, and Afterlight, allow for young teenage girls to expand their editing options. Although these applications offer endless filters and editing options, I highly recommend using the PlasticSurgery app before hand. With this app, you can practically alter your entire image and look fabulous! After giving yourself the nose job of your dreams or making your lips like the one and only Kylie Jenner’s, you can then move on to other editing applications. You should next move on to Vsco, where you can choose from a variety of filters and continue to edit the photo from there. By using the “fade” edit, you can practically fade the entire selfie away, until it is almost unrecognizable. Finally, you should upload your selfie to whitagram so that you are able to apply a border, usually white, around the selfie to make it fit the allowed area for a photo on Instagram.

Step Four: Now it is time to post! You simply cannot just post at any time, though. The time of the posting is crucial in order to ascertain an acceptable amount of likes on a selfie. A selfie is not just like any normal Instagram. Selfie Sunday (seen on Instagram as #ss) is the safest day to post a selfie. After you have tried at least two Selfie Sundays, you can test your luck on posting any other day of the week. The early morning on the weekend is never the time to post. After 1 pm on Sunday, you are in the clear, and it is your time to post. If you do not receive at least 3 likes in the first couple of seconds, delete the selfie. Wait at least a half hour, and then proceed to post the selfie again. You should continually do this until you reach 3 likes. Once you have achieved this, you now just wait for the likes to roll in. Remember to text at least five of your friends to comment on the photo things such as, “you are so pretty!” and “can I be you?” Finally, after your Instagram has been up for two hours, you should have received at least 100 likes. If you have not, delete it. If you have, congratulations. You have successfully followed this guide and are Instagram selfie worthy. You should be extremely proud.

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